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22-Dec-2018 06:01

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I have a gazillion questions in my inbox but this email jumped out at me: “What does it mean when a man says ‘I can’t give you what you want’ or ‘I cant be the man you need me to be’?

” When a man (or a woman) makes statements like this, these are what I call your golden opt out moments or ‘windows of opportunity’.

If you have boundaries, values, an awareness about red flags and a reasonable level of self-esteem, a warning statement like this will make you very uncomfortable and bring you back down to earth with a bump.

And it is a warning statement and when you hear it, it’s time to get out of the relationship and suffer the short-term pain for the long term gain.

He is giving you a chance to get out now while you can.

He’s also telling you who he is and trying to make you be real about him and the relationship so that you can opt out.

But here are the translations: This man already knows his capacity or what he is prepared to give.

He’s also wise enough to recognise that you want more than what is on offer.

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Er, no he can’t and you’re discounting what he has said and trying to invalidate what he has communicated because it doesn’t suit your view of things and you’re in denial. When a man says he cannot give you what you want and you want a relationship, it means that he doesn’t want a relationship and it’s time for you to let go and move on.A decent guy in this situation will not only tell you this, but will opt out and move on with his life.A guy who wants to enjoy the fringe benefits of the relationship while managing down your expectations has a thinking that works like this: ‘I’ve told you that I cannot give you what you want.I am giving you a heads up and if you don’t have enough self-respect to move on and you stick around, I am not responsible for any pain that you may experience, even if I continue to shag you/get an ego stroke/or lean on your shoulder and moan.

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